Guest Post: Her Grandpa Eats Dirt

Today's post is brought to you by my friend Bethany of Rinse Repeat. I like to picture Bethany as floating around in life in a cloud of sparkle dust. If you read her blog, then you know what I'm talking about. She's also got a pretty awesome sense of humor. And apparently so does her grandpa.

My gramps isn't particularly normal. And say that with love. He's got more purple slacks than Elton John + Prince put together, often participates in chats with himself and has amassed over 500 nativity scenes which he displays in the basement...year round. So, he's just a lil' quirky. Yet even with the aforementioned strangeness, I was still aghast when at age six I watched Gramps eat dirt straight out of a planter. Just dove spoon-first into the Thanksgiving centerpiece of potted calla lilies, and threw it down the hatch.

"Try some," he gargled over a mouthful of dirt, across the Thanksgiving table at all of us. "It's good for ya."

I was grossed to say the least. Not only had I just witnessed Gramps eating dirt, I'd also gotten a peek at his ABCed food. That was a lot for a tender flower like myself to take in. Things took a startling turn when my uncle-to-be, eager to please his future father-in-law, caved to the dirt-eating peer pressure and followed Gramps' lead. Uncle-to-be grimaced, as he gingerly lifted the dirt to his lips. I closed my eyes. It was all too much. 

And then the accusations rang out loud and long,"I hate you all...I really thought I was about to eat dirt! Y'all are jerks!"

It turns out forced "dirt eating" was simply a ritualistic family hazing, brought around whenever a new boy married into the family...just to see how far he'd go to please his future father-in-law. In the end he was welcomed with crushed Oreos and pudding, but there's nothing quite like making a complete ass of a new family member. How heartwarming.

While there really is no exact science to dirt cake, it consists of only a few ingredients, I've never had a bad one throughout the years. This is the lazy man's dirt cake. You can find recipes that call for fancy-pants things like cream cheese and unsalted butter, but let's face it: If you're making dirt cake, it's likely either as a party novelty, or for a pack of three year old boys. We're going for effect...and not impressing those with a fine palate. 

Lazy Man's Dirt Cake

1 package of Oreos

2 boxes of instant chocolate pudding

4 Cups of milk

1 8 oz container of Cool Whip

12 small terra cotta pots

1. Grab your package of Oreos...eat three. You know, just to make sure they're still good. Then throw them into a 1 gallon Ziploc bag and attack them with the rolling pin until they're finely ground.

2. Make instant pudding according to package directions, using your four cups of milk.

3. In a large bowl, whisk together pudding and whipped cream.

. Layer crushed cookies and pudding mixture into flower pots, beginning and ending with crushed cookies. If you're adding fresh herbs or fake flowers, stick the stems in when the pot is about halfway full and layer around them.

5. Set in fridge for a few hours to firm.

6. Serve...or haze. Whichever you so choose. :)